So much of the world says that if you’re feeling anxious, guilty, shame, angry, sad, or any other painful emotion, then something is wrong with you. Instead, you’re expected to be one hundred percent happy all of the time just like all the smiling faces you see on social media. But this is completely bogus and please throw it out the window. Every emotion – even the painful ones – is there for a reason and trying to give us important information. And going even further, the struggle to not experience these emotions often makes them even more intense and can drive our suffering up. So, the next time you’re feeling an emotion you’d rather avoid, try using the 4 A’s of Acceptance instead:
- Acknowledge the feeling: name it, label it, notice how this particular emotions makes your body feel, say “hello and how are you doing?” to it
- Allow: give that emotion permission to be there, such as “Okay, anxiety and that corresponding racing heart I will let you be here right now”
- Accommodate: pretend that painful, distressing emotion is a house guest and try to greet and host the emotion with a sense of hospitality. In practice, you can do this by imagining that you’re opening up space around the emotion as it is showing up in your body. So, if a sense of guilt is giving you a pit in your stomach, close your eyes and bring that pit to mind and then open up around the pit.
- Appreciate: this can be one of the most difficult and also powerful steps of accepting difficult emotions. Try to connect with even a sliver of gratitude for what the painful emotion is trying to do for you. If it’s anxiety or fear, their likely trying to protect you from or prepare you for something. If guilt or shame, they may be trying to get you to connect with your personal values and to repair meaningful relationships. If it’s anger, it’s also likely trying to protect you, your loved ones, or something else important. If it’s sadness, it could be your body’s way of acknowledging and grieving the loss of something that mattered to you a lot.
Acceptance can be a radically powerful way of being in the world and you can start practicing it today with your own private feelings. Imagine if we lived in a world where everyone was actively practicing acceptance of painful emotions on a daily basis: I sincerely believe there would be far less war, hate, injustice, poverty, climate change.