Why People Doubt Therapy
I’ve worked with a lot of clients who struggle with doubt about whether or not they really need therapy. For some of them, the act of seeking therapeutic support itself elicits guilt and self-criticism. In fact, this is something I experienced when I first sought therapy at my college counseling center when I was an undergraduate student. I felt like there was something phony or manipulative or overly dramatic about the idea of going into a therapist’s office for an hour each week and “talking about my problems” when I was aware that so many other people seemed to have it worse. I thought I should just be able to “toughen up,” “pull myself up by my bootstraps,” and carry on. I struggled with this so much that I would schedule sessions only to later cancel them – I lost track of how many times I did that! In retrospect (and after working on this issue with my therapist), I came to realize that this pattern was an ego defense. Telling myself that I didn’t really need therapy was a way of telling myself that I really wasn’t hurting (even though I very much was at the time). It was a denial of the pain I was feeling. Thankfully, I have a patient and caring therapist who helped me work through that in order to progress to talking about the stuff that was contributing to my suffering.
Reasons To Seek Therapy
If you’re like I was, and you’ve been wrestling with the idea of therapy, here’s a non-exhaustive list of valid reasons to seek therapy:
- Because you want to
- Because you’re experiencing some kind of pain in your life (this could be emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual, relational, work or academic, familial, intergenerational, systemic, sexual pain)
- Because you’d like a trained therapist’s perspective on what you’re going through
- Because you need to tell your story (or a specific part of it)
- Because you want to feel closer to other people
- Because you want to feel closer to yourself
- Because you’re experiencing symptoms like panic attacks, rumination, insomnia, self-harm, difficulties with substance use, or others
- Because you had a difficult childhood or upbringing
- Because you had what seemed like a perfect childhood with perfect parents but you’re still feeling “off”
- Because it seems like your inner critic is winning most of the arguments in your head
- Because you want to accomplish something or have healthier habits
- Because it feels like you’re out of control
- Because it feels like you’re overly controlled (such as constant planning, work and productivity, being early to every appointment, thinking and thoughts and intellectualization are the only ways you know to connect to the world)
- And so many more!
Find A Therapist You Connect With
Notice that the first reason on the list is simply because you want to. That is as valid a reason to seek therapy as any other. Therapy can be a powerful healing experience. Of course, it is important that you find someone who gets you and who you connect with and who you feel safe with. And that can take some trial and error. I didn’t connect with my first therapist but I’m so glad I gave it another shot because I found a therapist who is one of the most compassionate and wise people I have ever known. So, if you’ve been chewing on whether or not to seek therapy, I hope this provides you with the encouragement you need to start the process today!
